This is certainly an interesting way to being the semester. This first week we are asked to take describe what it is we are and the reading assigned really digs in deeper leaving us, or at least me, more confused about my person than I am comfortable to admit. Of course trying to find answers only leads to more questions is all part of the fun in the sciences and our lives.

Both Paul Eakin and Siri Hustvedt offer insight from multiple views, citing both controversial and well known research. Little opinion however is offered and instead the reader is nearly bombarded with countless stories, experiments and purposed conclusions. This much information in so little time is difficult to swallow without previous knowledge or motivation to check references. I felt smothered by the information and confused by which direction the authors may be leaning but I think it is more important to lean in to the feelings of confusion because the experiments, conclusion and accompanying theories seem just as confused and without proper evidence as I feel lost reading some of them. The fact is the answers are unknown and we should embrace the unknown so that we too can experience the parts of ourselves we are unsure of until the “I” becomes more clear as Hustvedt did.

I believe what is important is to understand that the “I” changes as we change, and we are capable of changing the “I” as we will it. Hustvedt’s journey is evidence of that. I believe her journey was more than just a search for answers but a struggle for her acceptance. Much of her shaking experience was surrounded by worry and rejection. She did not know why she shook and only wanted to understand it so that she could fix it. Toward the end of the book however, Hustvedt understands that there are many people who battle with their inner voices, phantom limbs or other mysterious illnesses only to miss them when they are gone. Many believe the illness is a part of them and they accept it as such, in turn learning to accept themselves. This was also experienced by Hustvedt, as she closes her book claiming a part of her she had spent years suppressing. The shaking woman was always a part of her it seemed, and in the end she claimed it for herself believing it was a part of her “I.”

In my personal opinion, I believe acceptance is key to happiness and fulfillment. I like to believe that change and growth follow shortly after. Denial can way heavy on our subconscious and on those we love. I would imagine it does more harm when the thing we are denying is ourself.  Recent therapies have focused on teaching patients to accept their depression, their bi-polar disorders and other illnesses because fighting them or denying them is exhausting and lowers a patients quality of life. No one wants to feel like they are not “normal” and while to better help individuals who may feel like they do not belong or parts of them do not belong, it is important to understand the biology and psychology of an individual, I believe it is most important is to lean in, experience and accept what it is that life dealt us and in doing so the “I” is our own and our consciousness will have no bounds.